Oh my goodness, could it really be? Yes, I'm still alive and well! I've been a horrible, horrible blogger... I have no excuse other than this past 9 months has been HECTIC! I'd never really taken the time to imagine what my next pregnancy would be like, but on the other hand, I never expected it to be this busy. When we began the journey of foster care, we decided that it was something that we would be doing for a long time. That being said, we knew that we couldn't put our dreams of expanding our family on hold for all the years that we planned to give to foster care.
What I didn't see coming was how much work it really is. It took us a while to adjust, and we did so well. It didn't take as long as we thought. We waited a while before we began trying for a baby. When I became pregnant, I figured it was no biggie and we'd all just roll with the punches. And we did. The first trimester was rough because I was tired and sick all the time and didn't really feel like going around explaining to everybody at Children's services and my agency why I was not able to complete my reports as quickly and thoroughly as before. I didn't feel like telling the kids until it was visibly obvious. Therefore garnered no sympathy or consideration from them at all.... I felt alone. My husband couldn't relate to how I felt, and there was nothing he could do about it. At times he wasn't as helpful as I'd hoped, and looking back I can't even blame him. After all, I wasn't huge and uncomfortable yet. I was still a skinny little stick, laid up on the sofa looking miserable and forsaken. I grew depressed.
Well the second trimester rolled around and I started to feel much better. It really was such a relief from the constant fatigue. But then, it was summer. We had just moved, and had received 2 new kids from CAS. That was a huge adjustment as well. It's hard to explain just how much paperwork, driving, and programming is involved in getting a new intake. My hubby works and so it was pretty much all in my lap. So, my entire summer was martyred/ dedicated to progress reports, ministry inspections, annual dentals, eye, and physical exams for 3 teenage boys. Some of my children have home visits and some don't. So, any hopes of taking a babymoon went out the window. Gone, like a fart in the wind. All summer, there was at least one teenage boy attached to my hip..... If I wanted to go and get a moment to myself, I had to arrange for a relief worker. I got depressed about that too. I mean, I love my job, I love what I do. But I had zero balance this summer, and I dreaded the thought of what my life would be like with all these kids depending on me, plus a brand new baby. All I wanted was a little break before the baby came. I mean, obviously I expected that once baby arrived, my life/ play balance would come to a screeching halt. So mentally I was prepared for that. But man, I was really hoping to have some time of just Jay and I before it all came down on me.... Oh well... too late now to cry over it, just giving you guys a sneek peek into what was swirling around in my head all summer.
So here we are, thousands of kilometers later (all the driving and schlepping of kids to appointments and ministry required programming, plus my own kids to summer camp), and I'm nearing the finish line of this pregnancy. It just dawned on me this week that I've been pregnant for whole year so far! I'm really looking forward to the kids going back to school, and as much I'd love for baby to come now, I'm secretly hoping he holds out till all the kids are in school.... So at least I can get a few days of having the house to just me, myself, and I before he makes his very demanding entrance into our already hectic world. The kids are all done their summer programs now, so while the driving has slowed down drastically, they all seem to be looking to me to entertain them. Their bored, and as you all know, with boys boredom= hunger. So trying to keep the food lasting from one grocery day to the next is a challenge. I find myself policing the fridge just to keep us from going from feast today to famine tomorrow....
Yep, so here I am, 37 weeks, just about had it with the aches and pains and swelling, and the kids looking at me to put on some sort of puppet show for them with my big ole preggosaur self..... On one hand dying for baby to get here, but on the other hand, hoping he doesn't come so early that the kids will still be buzzing around the house all day looking at me with boredom in their eyes and assaulting the fridge every five minutes.... I think I'd go postal. Jay is taking some time off when baby gets here and I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to it! He seems to think it will be a piece of cake. I chose not to argue with him on that one and decided that he will soon enough see for himself, lol!
Well, that was a long one! And a long overdue one at that. It may actually be more of a rant that anything, but I always said I'd be an honest blogger (hahaha, me a blogger! If you call that 8 month hiatus blogging.... okay) and I'd never try and only post the sugary sweet posts. I keeps it real. And this summer was exhausting. I'm looking forward to Jay taking over the ship and me milking the new mom thing like a California cow. I'm looking forward to taking time for me again, and being able to sit down and get my thoughts out of my head. Will it be impossible with a baby? Some would say so, but after the summer that I just had, I vow to start doing ME and MAKING time for balance. I think it's healthy, and needed for both baby and I. Heck! I've already started. I went and got me a funky new hair cut that I really love, and started going for pedicures more often. I went out and bought myself some new eyeshadow last week, and a few tops for when I get back to my normal size! I've been warning these folks around here about how things will change when baby gets here, and they seem to think I'm just blowing smoke out my azz... I'll let them keep thinking that....
