Who knew relaxing and taking it easy would require such efforts!?! I told myself I wouldn't stress, and that I'd put my feet up and really make menfolk
earn their keep spoil me rotten this time around. And so far, so good... So what's the problem? I'm afraid I managed to convince myself that I wouldn't have even one shadow of doubt about this pregnancy. I've since been brought back down to earth and reminded that I am human, and I will worry. So just how does a woman who believes God and the Bible flex those faith muscles, when the last time she was this confident it didn't end well? Well since I don't have the answer, (and I don't think I'll be getting any visits from "ghosts of pregnancies past" revealing all pregnancy survival secrets) I think I'm gonna have to just do this the way any woman pregnant after a loss would: One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. I may even have to stay off Mr.Google and the internet some days.... The docs say to wait until you're "emotionally ready" to try again.... Someone needs to CC them on the memo: You Never TRULY get over it.... Yes, it gets better with time, you begin to function again in a world that goes 'round with or without you, but I don't think you ever *really* "move on"...
So, yeah, it comes somewhat naturally to worry when preggo after a loss..... In the meantime, I plan to be extra selfish when it comes to my "me time" and totally spoil myself rotten. I plan to read more, resume chrocheting, and sleeeeeeep, sleep, sleep! I plan to not be afraid of how monstrous I appear when barking at the people I live with to pick up their dang shoes from the middle of the foyer (Grrrr), lol. I usually only have to make a scene once up in this joint, lol! Oh, and yeah, take advantage of the Mister's work benefits and get that pregnancy massage I never got to get last time, humph!
And last but not least, pray, pray, pray, and thank Him, thank Him, thank Him for this blessing.... Not that I didn't do that the last time, but hey! Maybe this time, it'll stick.
That so perfectly expressed how I feel about my concerns also. It really does get better with time but the pain of a loss never leaves. It's so hard to trust and I've never been very good at the "Let go and let God" thing. One day at a time is exactly all you can do. *sigh*. But until the cramping and bleeding starts, I'm planning a nursery!!!!!!
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